It usually annoys me when the youngsters say the word “hashtag” before something they are talking about or referring to. “Hashtag feminism.” “Hashtag yolo” or what ever ridiculous thing they are talking about. Right now I am so obnoxiously happy that I am going there. “Hashtag life is good people!”
I moved into my new place last Monday. I finally have my own place after two years of moving from roommates and boyfriends all over like a damn gypsy. For those of you who haven’t read my blog before, I got diagnosed with bi-polar disorder about 3 years ago, went through a major depression and cycled through meds trying to pull out of it. I had no support from my family and only a few friends and had a 2 years spiral to rock bottom. Since being pennyless and homeless in March of this year, I have paid off $2700 in traffic tickets, got my license reinstated, got a job, a car and now an apartment of my own.
I was previously a project manager for a general contractor and had a career in construction spanning 2 decades. I am back in the industry and enjoying it more than ever. Every day I wake up not only grateful to be back at work, but feeling self sufficient and more like my old self every day.
On a side note, the man who I thought was the love of my life (and I have struggled with getting over) is finally out of my life for good. We have had a year long on and off again love affair. I would usually be devastated and crying and depressed about the whole thing. While I was a little angry, I’m actually relieved. I am alright with the whole thing. I feel a little stupid and used but I am still happy. I am actually happy with myself and who I am a person and losing that relationship isn’t going to change it. Probably for the first time in my life I am not letting my happiness hinge itself on a man. I have a horrible habit of thinking I needed to be loved by another to be happy. I should say HAD. Past tense. I don’t anymore and that feels amazing.
Have you ever evolved in some way in your life? Have you ever really looked at your self honestly and thought about the how you may have caused your own unhappiness? Like really truly dug deep and admitted your faults to yourself? Not only admit and realize them but make a conscious effort to change? It is hard. I’m 38 years old and have only recently learned to love myself and value myself enough FOR myself. I’m alone – as in single – but I’m still happy. I love my life. I love my job. I love my boss. I love my car. I love my precious little girls. I love my apartment. I love that I have come this far in a mere 7 months and I did it alone. I am proud of that even if no one knows my struggles but me. So I’ll say it again – #lifeisgood