Why do others assume to know you better than you know yourself?
Today I got told to “get my shit together” by what used to be an old friend who himself needs to get his house in order. He has a DUI, no car and a gig once a week hosting karaoke – but no real job. Like myself he has moved around a lot in the last 3 years. I was told that I specifically “pathetically attempt to get validation from men” and he can not be my friend until I figure my shit out. I am alone and remained alone for months now after recognizing that I used to seek love and validation from men. A habit I chose to break. I have spent every day at home working when I have it, in therapy or with my kids. I spent all Sunday & Monday of Memorial Day weekend alone watching Netflix. Now that’s pathetic, right?
This ex-friend chooses to accuse me of needing “to get my fuckin head straight” after I finally got out of the house and went to the bird viewing preserve with a male friend from therapy. Also, another male posted on Facebook that he was happy to hear from me yesterday. I was literally appalled that I was being accused of this and that assumptions were being made about my relationships with the men in my life. Just because I used to seek love in all the wrong places doesn’t mean that I was still doing so.
Do I not have the right to be friends with men as well as women? My roommates are lesbians. Am I seeking validation from them as well? This whole conversation was absurd. How can someone assume to know the meaning behind your actions? How can someone lash out and be so angry with me over what they assume are my motives? Why would someone be so offended and so upset with me? I remain confused but have decided that person is no longer going to be a part of my life. My roommates can tell you that I spend every day at home alone. I rarely leave the house and my only visitors are my children. I shouldn’t have to prove to him or anyone that I have remained focused on my goals. I know myself what my actions mean, what my headspace is like and that my focus remains clear. Why do others assume to know you better than you know yourself?